Happy Birthday, Angelo!

Nino’s birthday was on Thursday. I knew leading up to that day it might conjure up some feelings of grief, so I allowed myself to just feel whatever feels came up. It’s been over a year, but when you cry about the person you’ve lost, it really does feel like it’s that day all over again. It sounds so cliche, but it’s so true. I may not cry as hard sometimes because I’m kind of use to that feeling, but the feelings are still strong and the pain is still so real.

I did feel a little anger, but when I recognized it, I did not allow it to be taken out on other people. I really hate that I have to monitor myself like this, but it’s best to understand where that anger is coming from then allowing it to just go on a free for all and ruin everything around you.

I know you can probably see what I’m going through these days, but I wish I can just talk to you about it and hear you say, “it’s ok Pats, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ll get through this too just like everything else you’ve been through.” I mean I know I can always tell myself that but if I heard it from you, even if it was just a dream it would make me feel better.

There are days like your birthday when I cry for you and then your death reminds me of Mama’s death and I’m a mess all over again. I’m so glad I spent as much time as I did with Mama. It was always nice to make her laugh or smile because she was always so grumpy and mad about something or someone. When the entire family gets together, it’s a little more peaceful because all the loud ones have quieted down, but there’s also this sense of pain and grief that no one really likes to talk about, but we all know it’s there. It’s like we all just know and we’re doing our best to just keep moving forward and we are still all sticking together like glue because it’s just comforting.

I hope you had a good birthday Nin.

THIS was my “Epic story” year

Listening to podcasts was game changer for me, I found a way to actually enjoy cutting chicken. I am able to go for hours listening to stories about anything and everything as I slice and dice chicken breast. I heard my first podcast in 2016, this was also the same year GIMLET Media started. I listened religiously to Alex Blumberg and his weekly stories that documented his entrepreneurial journey as it happened. Of course my favorite episode was when he miserably failed his pitch to Chris Sacca. I listened to a lot of NPR produced podcasts as well, so every other commercial I heard was a promo for “How I Built This.” The narrator’s voice is a huge determining factor on my likelihood of subscribing to a podcast, so it was an easy follow for me knowing Guy Raz was the one who was behind this new show.

Year 2 of entrepreneur life I feel is the hardest. The first year you’re still naive and everything is still new and exciting. Year 2 is when the reality and hardships kick in. Your baseline is the one year confidence you gain, but new challenges also level up with your experience. This is your learning curve year. “How I Built This” came out the same year I was learning the pain and struggle of owning a business. I didn’t cry, but I remember thinking how much I related to Sara Blakely and her journey after listening to the first ever episode. For those of you who don’t know, Blakely is the creator of SPANX. Just like her, I had no experience or knowledge in the industry I was trying to create a business in. She sold fax machines door to door and knew nothing about clothing and apparel. I was a Healthcare Recruiter who was struggling to make a simple fried egg. Our common denominator - our lack of experience never stopped us to learn a new industry, but we just went with it and kept going. It was that episode that I realized the hardships I was facing was kind of normal. So I anticipated cutting chicken each week because I had Alex Blumberg’s story to listen to and I couldn’t wait for a new “How I Built This” episode; together, those podcasts inspired my next moves.

It’s safe to say that my personal development and my little food business grew up with the podcast “How I Built this” by Guy Raz. I was in Year 2 of Episode 1, now in November 2022 I am wrapping up Sticky’s 3rd year as a brick & mortar while “How I Built This” is on episode #467. That’s a lot of life, a lot of shows and a lot of chicken.

My biggest take away from all those interviews with “movers & shakers” in different industries is that the struggle is definitely REAL. Guy humanizes his guests by allowing us, as the listener, to relate to the entrepreneur because he allows them to tell their struggle stories that lead to their eventual success. Behind every great business is an entrepreneur that endured a life changing experience that defined not only their business, but their character and the kind of person they are willing to be for the world. The life changing experience is always dramatic, heartbreaking and feels like the end of the world right before their business hits that upward trajectory.

Herb Kelleher - The Founder of Southwest Airlines. He went through years of litigation that was determined to take down his business.

Stacy Brown - The Founder of Chicken Salad Chick. Her husband passed away from colon cancer before he could see the success she created with the company.

Sandra Lerner - The Co-Founder of not only Cisco Systems, but the freaking internet. She was kicked out of Cisco, the company she started with her husband and then went on to start Urban Decay, the makeup line.

Steve Jobs - The Founder of Apple. Sadly he was already gone when HIBT started, but we can’t forget the dramatic way he was kicked out of the company he built only to come back and make Apple one of the most successful companies of our time.

Again, the struggle is real, but behind every successful business is an entrepreneur crazy enough to see their little baby grow up, especially through some of the toughest times.

After listening to Sara Blakely tell her story, I made it a goal to create a business successful enough that Guy Raz would make an episode of me. I even answer the questions in my head that he asks every guest to prepare my responses.

As the year comes to an end, I realize that this is my year. This is my year of that dramatic life-changing episode that will eventually lead to my success. I started the year, owning 2 businesses that were both thriving, a bright future for both companies and my entire family with me. Now I end 2022 paying my dues in a lawsuit that my first lawyer never took cared of. As of last night, I’m down to 2 employees to run the restaurant (I started the year off fluctuating between 5-6 people). I was kicked out of a business I took part in creating, running and managing after being accused of stealing money - ruining relationships both professional and personal. My cousin who grew up with me basically as my second brother, committed suicide. And most recently, I just got back from a trip to the Philippines to bury my grandmother who unexpectedly passed away. She was an important figure in my life. Drama & tragedy all in one go, it makes for a great success story.

After enduring so much from a crazy & demanding work schedule, the never ending emotional rollercoaster that comes with grief, and the anxiety you live with from the persistent money problems - most sane people would move on from this bipolar lifestyle and find stability. Apparently I’m one of those crazy entrepreneurs that is actually excited for all the misfortune because all I can see now from here is up. This is my opportunity to define myself as a business woman and as a human being through my outcome of these difficult boss-level battles.

I’m actually looking forward to the day Guy Raz asks me:

“So Patsy, at the start of 2022, you sold thousands of burgers at the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo, which is one of the biggest rodeos in the world. You were also a vendor at Coachella, one of the biggest music festivals in the world… in between those two events, your cousin committed suicide, I’m so sorry for that. Then at the end of that summer, you got kicked out of Trill Burgers after being accused of stealing money, a business that you were part of creating and supported financially through Sticky’s… and then at the end of the same year, your grandmother dies unexpectedly. That’s a lot of ups and downs to endure in one year. Now here you are, with a successful chain of restaurants and a thriving ice cream shop, how were you able to manage through so much drama, pain and tragedy all at once? Tell me, what got you through it all?” - If you’ve listened to his podcast you know he’d frame the question exactly like that.

Let my life be a lesson to you.

  • Don’t trust anyone but yourself. Learn to listen to your intuition, it will never fail you. That “gut feeling” or that nagging voice in your head that is constantly telling you something is wrong - allow that to guide you. You will always know the answer, you just have to learn to hear it from within.

  • Create your support system from the start. When everyone thinks your idea is insane, find that one person who 100% supports you and your outlandish ideas. The best place to find them is within your family because they are basically forced to love you unconditionally. You need that cheerleader to pick you up at your lowest.

  • Most importantly - there’s a breakthrough from the breakdown. It’s those moments in life when you feel like you’ve hit the wall and your breaking point. It’s those moments when you’re ugly crying to your best friend because nothing your doing is working. It’s those moments when you’re frustrated at God because he doesn’t seem to be answering your prayers. Hold on, because it’s at those moments when you’re breaking down that a breakthrough will come to fruition. Be patient and trust the process. “Sometimes it takes great suffering to pierce the soul and open it up to greatness.” - Jocelyn Murray

Yes, this year was tough not only for me, but for everyone around me. Hard times are not your sign to give up - it’s your sign to keep going because we are almost there. Looking back, I am grateful for my misfortunes, it has been my training ground for my future success.

My story isn’t over… it just started and there’s more yet to come. ♥️

Coachella 2022

So this is griEf

This by far is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. I look forward to the moments like this, where I feel absolutely nothing. The numbing feeling is welcomed with open arms. Today, or yesterday rather, was the first time I was able to just lay in bed. As hard as I tried, I could not sleep. For some reason my body won’t allow me to sleep. Father Roger called and advised me not to think about it, but honestly, there’s nothing running through my mind. My body feels so heavy that even the slightest lifting of a finger feels laborious. All I can do is lay in bed and make sure that I’m breathing normal. 

Yesterday Nin, was the first time I really cried. The pain came deep from my soul and it was so uncontrollable, it scared me. I’m not one to be afraid to feel my emotions, but this one was scary because I knew once I let it out, I wouldn’t know how to stop it - and I couldn’t. When I was crying, all I kept thinking was why. Why would you do this to us? Why would you do this to yourself? You know we loved you. You know you have people to talk to and take care of you, so why?? I fear that I will live the rest of my life never knowing. If how I felt crying is how you were feeling, then I get it - because in between sobs I truly felt the pain and loneliness, and for a moment I didn’t want to be alive either. 

Everyone who’s lost someone significant keep telling me the grief comes and goes in waves. These aren’t the waves I wanted to catch with you. I have so much to look forward to right now and again I’m trying to dig deep inside my soul for strength, but I can’t find any right now. I feel so broken. This is the first time I’ve ever really felt my soul and it’s deeply saddened right now. How do I move through this? Where do I find the strength from? Dad keeps telling me to pray, but the pain is so overwhelming, it’s hard to talk. I just want to be tired and go to sleep, but right now it feels impossible.