Again.

Here we go again.This feeling in the pit of my stomach is all too real right now. I'm sadly familiar to this feeling and I can't simply ignore it. Every time I try to ignore this feeling, it comes back to bite me in the ass.Yes, I like you. Is the feeling mutual? Who knows. Again, I'm given confusing signals that can be interpreted in numerous ways.I don't like confusion.I don't like grey area.I don't like wishy-washy.I like honesty.I just simply have to remind myself that I have a lot on my plate and I can't allow my feelings into this mess. I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with this right now.Stay strong, Patsy Anne. You've come this far, let's see how much further you can go.

Day 2 of 100

So... I was inspired by one of my faves on being active for 100 days straight. You would think I would have started January 1, because it perfectly landed on a Monday, but life happens and here we are. My goals & intentions for all this is to bring back positive physical activity into my life.The past 6 months life has been nothing but trials of my patience, mental strength, sanity & physical challenges in the not so positive way. I've gotten sick twice since November, when I usually only get sick maybe once a year. I lack energy daily and rely on substances (both legal & illegal) to either give keep me up or allow me to sleep. My diet.... forget about it. There are days when I'm so busy, I just forget to eat, which is quickly followed up with rationalizing: "it's ok if I eat from 2 fast food places today, I didn't eat yesterday."This isn't me. This isn't the life I want to live. Everyday I can feel the stress slowly tear away at my entire being, hoping the current challenging situation isn't the one to give me a stroke or a heart attack. I need to stop this cycle before I wake up one day over 200 lbs, having a hard time getting out of bed.And so now begins my journey....I don't have an exact format just yet of how I want to do this. My main goal is to do one form of at least 30.Yesterday was Day 1 of 40 days, so I figured that would be the most perfect time to start my personal physical challenge. At least there is something to hold me accountable for the first 40 days. I took Brett Alt's 9:30am class at Montrose. His voice is always the most peaceful voice to hear on a Monday morning.


Workout 1: 3 mile runTime: 8:00 AMLocation: Buffalo BayouThis run was hard. I haven't felt this out of shape in a long time. I woke up with sore shoulders trying to remember why they felt so tight... oh yeah, I did yoga yesterday. I thought I would be able to survive 3 miles, I mean come on, it's just 3 miles. Boy was I wrong. I decided after the first 5 minutes, this was going to be the run/walk to get me started again. Sucks to always have to start from the bottom, but this is what I get for allowing myself to get to this point. All G... I finished it with a 3 minute climb up a slow treacherous hill. I could barely catch my breathe at the top, but I was happy to have accomplished it.Workout 2: YogaTime: 9:30 AMLocation: Big Power Yoga - MontroseYoga was challenging. Not necessarily difficult, but challenging because my shoulders and arms were sore from the day before. All I kept thinking the entire time how hard it was to try to get back into the swing of things. I hate when I allow myself to let go sometimes and we end up in a situation like today... starting from the bottom (again). It's ok, I made it and survived Day 2.

Yes, it’s tofu!

Day 16 of 31So, I'm more than halfway through this journey. My posts haven't been as frequent as they were at the start. It's hard to keep up with this and worry about everything else in life. Plus, not much has really changed to report about.Yesterday, I had to run a few errands before our shift got too crazy. During that time of course, I was famished so I decided to go for a food run as well. I asked my workers if they wanted anything and they declined. I approached another friend and asked if he wanted food as well. The first thing he was asked if I was going for healthy or otherwise. I wasn't sure if he was aware of my current diet so I told him healthy, since I'm trying to be vegan for now. He thought about it and said, "Ok! Get me whatever you get, I'll try something vegan."It's really hard to find filling fast food that's vegan. I was on the phone with another worker and he was eating with my brother at Chipotle, so I remembered that they can cater to vegans. I made 2 orders of the exact same thing and made my way back to work. We can get pretty busy there, so I dropped off the food and made my way back to the truck. About 30 minutes later, I get this text:

Is that tofu? That's really good.

Yes my dear, that was tofu and I'm glad you liked it! I love it when people are open to new and different things to them, you'll be surprised at what you will discover!